Helmer [sinking down on a chair by the door and burying his face in his hands]: Nora! Nora! [He rises and looks around] Empty! She's not here any more! [With a glimmer of hope] 'The greatest miracle of all...'?
[From below comes the noise of a door slamming]
***
(Five years has passed, Helmer is still a bachelor-raising his children: 12 year old Ivar, 10 year old Bobby, and 7 year old Emmy.)
Ivar [enters Helmer's study]: Father, may I stave my studies just for today? Bobby is incompetent at arithmetic and I think that I could help him.
Helmer [looks up from his bank papers and pauses before answering]: I suppose you could, but only for today. [Sternly] It's not good to procrastinate on work or studies.
Ivar: Yes father. [Exits the study and runs to his and Bobby's room]: Bobby! Father said we could have a free-day today! No studies! [Jumps onto his bed excitedly]
Bobby [looks up from his book and stares at Ivar incredulously]: Father gave us a free-day? Are you sure Ivar? Or are you lying, just to evade your studies again?
Ivar [sighs, then grins at Bobby]: There's just no way to trick you into having a little fun, is there? [Jumps off his bed] Well if you're not going to join me in a little game, then I guess I have no choice but to play with our little princess.
Bobby [unperturbed and waves Ivar off]: Do what you want, but if father finds out, I'm not related to you.
Ivar [sticks tongue out at Bobby, exits the room, and enters Emmy's to find the nurse combing her hair]: How's my little sister? I see she's also too busy to play with me [pouts].
Nurse [sighs as Emmy giggles and touches her hand to tell her to stop, and watches as Emmy runs over to hug her older brother]: Master Ivar, shouldn't you be working on your studies?
Ivar [lightly pats Emmy at the top of her head]: Father thinks I'm helping Bobby with arithmetic. I don't know how the old coot came to believe me, Bobby is the genius out of his own three children.
Nurse (chuckling): Master Ivar, you too are intelligent . (Scolding) You shouldn't be talking about your father like that Master Ivar. He's the one providing everything for you, giving you nice things--
Ivar [smiles bitterly and holds onto Emmy a little tighter]: He's also the one who caused mommy to leave us.
Nurse: Master I--
Ivar: Don't tell me otherwise Miss Anne Marie...the night she left was very tumultuous. A seven year old got curious, went to see what all the commotion was about, and overheard things he shouldn't have...I don't hate the old man, after all, I am of his blood...but I can't help but feel disgusted at looking at him for too long, knowing that he made mommy leave...which led Emmy to become mute.
(The maid enters the room with three notes at hand, each had its own set of initials. Ivar, Emmy, and the nurse look towards her direction. Ivar and the nurse's eyes had knowing glimmers.)
Ivar [whispers underneath his breath]: Mommy...
Very cool way to end the story. Adding her sons and her daughter to the story with actual lines was a nice twist to read. Having Nora as the maid and having her give them the notes was very creative.
ReplyDeleteI commented on Rushika's, Jamir's, Connor's, and Briannah's posts.
ReplyDeleteYour continuation of the ending was quite interesting. I liked how it was in the her son's interpretation and how he was the only one who actually knows what happened. He was also sneaky and that played a role in the past and present. I wonder why he kept calling her mommy when he's 12. I guess some 12 year olds say mommy, but most don't. I liked the creativity and the fact that it was in Ivar's perspective.
ReplyDeleteThe reason why I made Ivar call Nora "mommy" was to kind of give off a sense that (although he's 12) he's still a kid and when looking back into the past, would still call Nora, "mommy". Sorry if I didn't make it clear 😅
DeleteI still say Mommy. Although I don't know if that should be something to brag about.
DeleteDope story. Love the ending
ReplyDeleteYour ending was very interesting. No one else has done the ending in the perspective of the children and you did it very well. I never thought of how the children would feel about their mother leaving because she barely spent time with them. I always thought the children wouldn't really notice their mother being gone due to her lacking in being the children's mother. Your interpretation of Ivar's opinion on his mother changed my opinion as well. Nice work!
ReplyDeleteI like the relationship between the kids and how Torvald seems to have matured quite a bit in the time away. And I like the way Ivar is portrayed, as a nice older brother who has problems with his parents. Overall, pretty great story.
ReplyDeleteI liked how you incorporated the children in your alternate ending. It was nice to see how the children felt about Helmer since he made Nora leave. The fact that Ivar basically hates his dad is funny.
ReplyDelete